Equal Rights

Quick context- It was raining and, as usual, Ryan had parked far away from the entrance to the building.

Me: Aren't you going to be a sweetheart and go get the car for me?
Ryan: Why? You wear pants, you got the vote. You wanted equality- well that means walking in the rain, toots!
Me: Be still my heart.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

Me: Ryan, how are you going to commemorate the president's birthday?
Ryan: I'm going to see a man about a massive horse.
Me: Be still my heart.

Fire to Ashes

Me: Maybe someday I'll cook something for you.
Ryan: Okay, I'll alert the fire department.
Me: Be still my heart.

Pucker Up

Me: I heard on the radio that today is National Kissing Day.
Ryan: I heard it's Opposite Day.
Me: Be still my heart.

Me: This game is getting intense and really hard!
Ryan: Joy, this game was made for ten year olds.
Me: Be still my heart.

Airline Love

Ryan: "Southwest 'luvs' Philadelphia." I thought Southwest 'luved' Denver. Southwest is a hooker airline. They 'luv' people for money.
Me: Be still my heart.

Ryan's Christmas Hero

Ryan: The Grinch is my hero. He took everyone's stuff so they could focus on God at Christmas. And when Sally Hoody-Hoo went to ask for her Christmas tree back, she was asking for a little bit of Jesus. And the Grinch gave to her out of his abundance (that he now had) and showed her Jesus. That's why the Grinch is my hero.

Me: Be still my heart.

Sweeney Todd

Ryan: Man, I need a haircut. And a hot shave.

Me: I could do it for you!

Ryan: I don't trust you; you'd slit my throat and try to steal my money.

Me: Foiled again!

Ryan: The joke's on you- I don't have any money.

Both: Be still my heart.

Weight Loss

We were taking a walk and talking about losing weight. I shouldn't have been surprised when the conversation went to a weird place.

Me: You don't want to lose weight by not eating. When you don't feed it, your body starts to digest your fat and that gives you really bad indigestion. Oh, no. I can see you thinking, 'I can handle a little indigestion.'

Ryan: I can! The Bible says, "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." I can handle indigestion.

Me: Be still my heart.

Sugar Daddy

Ryan: No, children cost alot of time and money.
Me: So do girlfriends.
Ryan: You're right. Maybe I should find myself a boyfriend- someone who will buy me stuff.
Me: Yeah, but that means you'll have to put out.
Ryan: Be still my heart.

Who Wears the Pants?

While looking at an "I Love My Wife" bumper sticker.

Ryan: Look at that bumper sticker. You can tell who wears the pants in that relationship.
Me: Aww... well, she probably made him put it on there.
Ryan: Exactly what I'm saying. What man goes around advertising that he's whipped?!
Me: Be still my heart.

Bible Drugs

Ryan and I had just finished reading Hebrews together.

Ryan: I love Hebrews. It's like the gospel on steroids.

Me: Be still my heart.

Easter vs. Christmas

Today is Easter and on our way to the parking lot after church, Ryan started singing one of the songs we sang.

Ryan: (singing) Christ the Lord is risen today, fa la la la la la la... wait...

Me: (laughing) Be still my heart.

Baby Bump

I was wearing a dress and expressed to Ryan that it looked like a maternity dress. I had been wearing a sweater over it and took it off.

Ryan: Wow, you DO look pregnant!

Me: Be still my heart.

Illicit Drugs

Ryan: Your eyes are red- either you're tired or you're doing pot. Either way, I'll join you.

Me: Be still my heart.

Superior Inferiority

Me: Wow, Ryan, you are definitely superior to all other beings.
Ryan: Yes, but my superiority is exceeded only by my inferiority complex.
Me: So you're feeling superior about your inferiority complex?
Ryan: Yep, you picked a good one, huh?
Me: Be still my heart.

As the Pendulum Swings

In the interest of keeping harmony in my relationship with Ryan, this is going to be an equal opportunity blog.

We had just spent a hour reading the Bible to each other over the phone and were on a spiritual high.

Ryan: I'm exhausted; I think I'm going to bed. Thanks for reading with me.

Me: You're welcome. Ugh, I think I'm starting my period.

Ryan: I really wish I didn't have you on speakerphone. Be still my heart.

Kisses

Me: Humph... I was going to kiss you but now I'm not.
Ryan: Good, because I just burped.

Be still my heart.